Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
