I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
