If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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