she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
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She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
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He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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