dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
