guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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