Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
