I'm jealous of your bromance
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
