I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
