kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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