yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
