three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
