Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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