She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
