new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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