why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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