Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
