Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
