I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we're making bets on your personal life
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
