Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
