Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
