Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
