Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
