why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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