So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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