Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
