tell your sister to shave her snatch
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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