Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
