Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
