I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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