he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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