I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize