First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
