No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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