I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
