Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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