Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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