I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
