If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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