Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
