Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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