I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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