just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
