Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
