Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I forget how to act sober
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
