I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
