never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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