Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing