I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
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nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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