I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.