You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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