My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
