i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
