She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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