I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
