she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
