Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
