so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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