Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
