Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
