Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
