my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize