No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
