omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I've blown a few things in my day
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Randomize
