I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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