Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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