Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
