so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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