I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
