i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
