1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
